This Is Dedicated to You [About Friendships]

About Friendships:

Somewhere out there

are a few friends of mine

who I haven't seen or heard from

in a long, long stretch of time

I want to say

too long

but that's not really fair

who knows how long forever is

when you stop caring to count the years

Sometimes I wonder if they're okay

if they're in pain

if they're happier now

if they're feeling sane

But I don't want to ask

To risk confirming

what we had

has been lost 

to memory

or worse yet

it's more than just their busy new life

beyond commitments and different paths

and all the things that might serve

as good excuses

for falling away

falling apart

the truth is

they simply

never wonder 

don't want to wonder

about you

anymore

at all

not now

maybe never again

I stopped being anything they needed

I wasn't everything they had
My memory did not bring them happiness

They no longer care what I think

and maybe never really did

Wait for the midlife crisis

when they want to feel young again

How you always wanted to feel

even when you were young

Wasn't that why you were friends

in the first place

Old souls want to be cool, too

Imagine them coming back

Friendships reinstated

Revived

Evolved

Let's share what we've learned
and change the world
like we wanted to
like we stopped believing we could

Instead of watching a life

All you loved

All you hated

All you missed

All you ever experienced

At least this time around

Crumble away behind you

into nothingness

only to be met

by more murky darkness ahead

Running
in place
at that point

that moment

that constantly shifting state of Now

where the two Nothings meet

you can hardly breathe
suffocating on dread
you almost want to give into it

writing trash poetry
as fast as you can
edit edit edit, post post post
before you lose your nerve
or temporary sense of humanity

repeating the same words too many times

trying to process your expletive existence

whenever you can't sleep

Because right this second

you're unemployed and lonely

and some might agree

weak

That is to say

I still miss you
Friends out there

Not that you have to care

But if you did miss me too

(Though come to think of it maybe neither of us have much reason to)

Well at least now this is here

And maybe someday you'll find it

And feel a little better

The way I wish I did

No, it's not a perfect ending

but nothing ever is

never ending

or perfect

now is it?